Dear god, please let me find a suitable job asap. When i say suitable, i really do hope, its location not too far pay not too low and not 9-5. I know i'm being greedy here but i'm sick and tired of waiting and waiting and searching through jobscentral and jobstreet every single fucking day. So please help me out here. Thanks.

Love, Desperate jaime.

 I think this will be the first time that i am actually acknowledging about training at legacy. As in like, really reflecting about training. And yeah, even though i was only there for 3hrs today, i actually had fun. We didn't do much you know, just stretched(OH thank god my overstretched left muscle has healed more or less) and like cause they had to concentrate for group stunts for comp so us newbies were left to do nothing but self stretch or diy stuff. 

Citra taught me how to stretch a scale and i was actually quite excited to learn it! Then we like did all-girls stunts, walk over to pa stand to elevator, DAMN FUN. Elaine actually initiated this to Citra, and yeah i think that really shows how much passion she has for cheer, taking initiative to do stuff 24/7, pt even. Then afterwards we sorta trained partner stunts but i kinda freaked? Not sure why, sleepy muscles i guess.

You know like how much i keep saying that i don't know where to go don't know where to go? I think i'm finally assimilating into legacy, even though yeah, i seriously don't think it will be the ideal environment for me, but i guess i've been focusing too much on the negative qualities that i failed to see that there are many qualities that the team entails. And i do like the fact that they try to include everyone in training despite having to train up for competition, that they're not entering to win, that they are all passionate even though they may slack off at times. I left training happy today, and its been quite awhile. And like finally, i think my cheer for passion is starting to burn again. 

And yeah, i've also been reflecting about the juniors. I think that each team has its own unique system and though like my batch and capt hong's batch is different in our own ways, i TOTALLY agree that family is quite the word for knights. Few months back, i would have never neverrrr expected my batch to be having dinner at chloe's/kc's hse, still so familiar and warm with each other. Neither would i have expected to be so close to the guys, nor going back to juniors trng's, feeling all so excited over it. And i was initially extremely worried bout the team in the beginning of this yr, but whenever i ask perle if everything's okay, she'll calmly tell me that its alright, she's still holding on strong despite all the shit and if there's anything she needs help with she'll ask me. And yeah, i am actually quite happy that they can click well with kr steppers, and it may not be the best team around, but so as long as they are happy, both teams, i don't see why not? I'm happy for them, honestly (: and like a worried mother, my heart is finally relieved.

I think things are fine for now, i think i may be staying in legacy. There is a possibility that i might go over to kr cause of nus, but until then, i don't think i will think about it yet. Meanwhile, its just stretch stretch stretch and diet over cny! 

Xie xie da jia :D 

 Hello world, its ten more days to cny and valentines day.

I did an awfully weird thing just now. The moment i got home from training minutes later there was a major blackout throughout my whole estate. The whole neighbourhood was dark dark dark and my mum's torch light couldn't work and me being smart decided to use my phone's torchlight. So i was fooling around and then i decided to check out how freakishly dark outside was without the street lamps and all. And boy oh boy, was it scary, like no lights at all the only bright part of the sky was like behind the terrace houses where the highways were. First look and it hit me, it felt alot like cedar's oac. Then i turned to look at the sky.

Omg. My heart literally melted. The stars were extremely bright, shining brighter than my torchlight please. I swear, the only thing missing from this perfect picture is the beach. So yes, the weird thing that i did was to actually drag my cheer mats out and i just laid there. And i stared long and hard at the different stars, both big and small. 

You know, if you'd stared hard enough, the individual stars seem to shine brighter and brighter and it felt as though as you're the one inspiring it to shine brighter and brighter. There are these three stars that always appeared in a single row, and they kinda reminded me of my sisters and i. I tried to pick a star, tried to keep it, hide it away forever for myself. Obviously that wasn't possible but it was fun while it lasted. 

Oh, while laying there staring at that blanket of diamonds(yeah being lit-ish here so stop judging me) i played 4 songs on my phone, perfect ambience for emo songs - dusk&summmer by dashboard confessionals, we are man and wife by michelle featherstone, only one(accoustic) by yellowcard, and champagne supernova by oasis. Awesome moresome. I tried to think and reflect while staring at the stars, but they were too captivating, i just felt super serene and at peace and calm and god knows what. I placed my hand on my heart and tried to feel my heartbeat, amongst all the fat and skin from my boob, but i couldn't feel anything except the rush of blood to my head, pulsating and pounding harder and harder each time. And then while doing all these, i tried to fall asleep under the stars. 

I couldn't. I think i was thinking too much, trying too hard not to think too. I could feel my eyebrows frowning deeply. And so i told myself to relax a little. I think people who passed by and my neighbours thought that i was weird, but i couldn't care less. Like how people thought so little of cheer, of vj knights of me when i was young of how i looked of how i led the team of how underconfident i was so many many times of how ppl took my friendship for granted of how they judged me because i was different at times of how awkward i could be  of how i seemed selfish at times when all i really meant was just goodwill of how i need to scream at you to make you understand of how i secretly hate looking at ppl in the eye because i become conscious of it of how i miss the past of how i lonely i felt at that point of time and i wished that i was lying on someone's tummy instead of cheer mats, of how i treasure friendship more than anything else. Of how i think that we're all actually lonely at times and we need to be loved by someone else.

Separate yourself from what compels, breathe jaime, breathe.

The television was made to make you feel better, confirm plus chop.  

I was feeling crap shit when i reached home and then i watched american idol and glee. WOAH 180 degrees change of mood hehehe, look! I can even laugh. I don't trust this lj anymore you know. Maybe i'll leave it soon. 

I had alot of things to type today but somehow its not flowing anymore. <_< (new fav face!)

okay bye.